Best Excuses For Stepping Away To Get High During Family Dinner
A few potheads out there might think this is extreme behavior. Why don’t you just FRIGGIN WAIT 15-30 minutes until family dinner is over!?
Wait to get high? Is this even a serious question? Why wait to get high, when you can get high, now!?
Depending on the “type” of family you have, this could prove to be an incredibly easy task or an insanely difficult adventure.
Some of y’all, out there, have families who would be more than glad to start the evening meal with a nice blunt rotation.
While other, not so fortunate individuals (me included), have to use more “subtle” tactics to outwit the intelligent conservative/religious minds that keeps a close eye, on what is considered appropriate behavior.
Ps. If I were to start smoking a blunt at the Christmas dinner table, this very act would spark all sorts of neurotic behavior that would trigger family members into thinking my behavior was COMPLETELY unacceptable and ABSOLUTELY criminal. I honestly think my family members would call the cops on me and have me arrested for smoking an “illegal” J in front of them.
I am truly truly jealous of you, who have families you can share a the joy of cannabis with. I know some of you.
Whether you have a “cool” family or a square family, that may or may not know about your consumption habits, there’s good new. There’s always a way, if there’s a strong enough will.
Let’s begin with a few obvious strategies, of getting high, during Christmas activities that involves family.
If you have a cool family and everyone present smokes, all you really have to do is, light the blunt and start passing it around. As much as I’ve talked with friends, who have families that all smoke weed, I can see this method as being very appreciative and practical strategy, for getting high, during family dinner.
Then there are some families, who don’t necessarily mind if you’re a pothead. They might be aware that you’re someone who REALLY likes to smoke and consume a LOT of weed. However. Sometimes. There’s a certain “air” of judgmentalism that causes the elders of the tribe to want you to be “sober” during family festive events.
Thus making one have to be a little bit more “sneaky” when consuming. Also. If this is the case, you must also be careful with “how high” you get and act around the family, who might want to judge your decisions.
A few excuses, if one needs to make a public announcement, are as follows.
-I left my cell phone in the car and I gotta make sure XYZ; made it home safe, check on the kids, someone needs directions to the house, friend is having emergency surgery, etc.
-I think my wallet fell out of my pocket.
-I’m going to step outside for a second, excuse me please.
-I’m going to my room, excuse me please.
-Finally, you can download the app on your phone where you can set a time for your phone to “ghost” call you during the middle of family dinner. Think of a clever excuse, step outside for a minute. Easy day! (An excuse I would use. My friend is traveling abroad and only has a 10 minute window to call me, I want to make sure they made it safely and that everything is ok.)
The point is, you have to make it believable, if you don’t want to raise any suspicions.
My personal favorite, it to just, silently get up, don’t say anything, and quickly take a fast toke, and come right back in.
If questioned, there a whole lot of, on the spot, reasons you can give.
-I needed I quick fresh breath, it was getting a little too warm inside.
-I felt like I was going to pass out and I needed a little cold refresher.
If you have a serious family, I can give you endless amounts of serious responses that will be acceptable answers.
However, if you have a more FUN family, that accepts ridiculous answers, you can get a little creative.
-I thought I heard Santa! (Run out and grab a super fast inhale from your vape pen).
It could work?
Now. The tricky part comes when you have the more “quiet” type of families that are quite serious and religious.
For those who have SUPER conservative families, who may or may not know you consume cannabis, the strategy for getting high has to be well calculated and executed with precision.
If you get caught, or suspected, then all sorts of awkward and neurotic concerns will come to haunt you for years to come! Trust me.. DON’T GET CAUGHT IF THIS IS THE CASE! I’ve been there. 😉
Again. You might be thinking. Can’t you wait a few minutes?
Well. Some people have families that, in order to survive, can only be done with a slight buzz. Or. A HEAVY buzz. Depending on how you feel about them on a particular year.
The approach, in this case, you’ll want to be on point with your strategy.
-You could start by accidentally spilling something on you shirt and/or pants. Say something along the lines of, “I got a change of clothes in my car, be right back”.
If this is to be your chosen tactic, make sure you think ahead. You don’t want to get to your car, light up a blunt, and realize you parked your car in front of the window overlooking the dinner table. Make sure you park you car in such a way that makes it impossible to be seen.
Next strategy, that will be highly effective with this type of family.
If you really want to get high and stay high, during family dinner. This method will probably be the best way of succeeding, without suspicion. Again. Make sure you don’t get too high and goofy around a family you don’t want knowing your consumption habits.
You could definitely have a cannabis infused drink all ready to go. You could be sucking on a nice mint. Sucking on a sucker. Munching on a brownie. Eating gummy bears. Etc. The one other concern would be to not let the little one see you eating secret goodies. They will tackle you and try to steal your candy!
Now for the big one.
If you do happen to get caught, and it does, in fact, matter, here’s what you have to start doing and saying, until you “win” them over to cannabis.
Since I have an intelligent family, I had to use intelligence and have the correct facts and information. The only way I got my family to barely “accept” my consumption habits is because I took the time to educate myself on the truth and not the propaganda. Always go into family situations with facts in the forefront of your mind to quickly rattle off in the event you get challenged.
I like to start with the quick and “easy” medical excuses.
Cannabis is antiangiogenic, antiproliferative, and antimetastatic. Use big words, they don’t tend to have an intelligent response to unexpected intelligence.
If they hit you with a legal argument, THAT’S ILLEGAL! I calmly say that it is recreationally legal in Washington D.C. and the president can legally smoke. Please explain to me how it can be legal in Washington D.C. and federally illegal, at the same time?
In the comments below, let me know how you’ve been successful in excusing yourself, from family functions, to sneak a quick toke
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